My Mother

Don't think of her as gone away
Her journey's just begun
Life holds so many facets
This earth is only one
Just think of her as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know, today
Now nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched
For nothing loved is ever lost
And she is loved so very much .

She was born, Saturday, February 19, 1927

She left this world Thursday, March 21,2002

She passed away in her sleep, it was a blessing that she did not suffer.
She had rheumatoid arthritis, congestive heart failure, and poor
kidney function. They said that her little heart just stopped.

She was so frustrated because she could no longer do the things that
she wanted to do. She couldn't clean and care for the house, she
couldn't work in flowers, she loved flowers. Her all time favorites
were Calla Lilies, Pansies, and Violets. Violets were her birth flower,
I can remember picking them for her as a child. They were always
put in a container of water and saved until they wilted.

My mother worked hard all of her life. She always had to do things
the hard way. There were 7 children all together, there was an
8th but he died just a few days after birth. Four girls and three
boys. My mother was the youngest of the girls. There is only her
brother left now. The baby boy and the baby of the family.

Mom worried about everything, that is what she did best. That is what
I used to tell her, I would tell her that if there wasn't anything to worry
about she would find something. She would laugh at me, we had a strange
relationship I suppose in this day and age. I am 50 years old, she lived with
me and I did my best to take care of her, and my son, and work. But if I did
something she didn't like I was miserable, just like when
I was a little girl.

There have been so many times that I have thought I have to tell Mom.
Or, I have to ask Mom. Then I remember that she isn't here.
Every morning I would get up and I look to her room, but she isn't there.

A dear friend has told me that I will never get over it, I will
simply learn to cope with her being gone. She should know, she
lost her father who she adored.

I just want to write down everything about my mother. She made sure
that I knew my family's history. I am the only one that knows these
things. I can name her aunts and uncles, I know my family's names,
like my grandmother was a Taylor before she married my grandfather.
Mother took care of her mother too, she always lived right next to us
and in the last days she lived with us. When my aunt had a stroke,
we moved her in with us. My mother was a caretaker and I suppose
that is what I am too.

You learn by what you see. I have seen my mother take food
from our cabinets and give it to other family and in some cases strangers.
She couldn't handle knowing someone was hungry. She raised one
of my cousins until she started school, we thought we were sisters,
no one had told us we weren't.

I did have a sister, Barbara Joyce, but I never saw her.
She died when she was ten months old. October 19th, 1951, I
was born January 29th, 1952. My mother was the only one that
could tell our baby pictures apart, that was only because she
knew where she lived with each of us. Mother is holding her baby
now. Her hands and legs aren't crippled anymore.

She loved holding her great granddaughter.

Taylor Nichole, red hair and blue eyes, my mother loved that.
She liked to tease my son-in-law about her red hair. Taylor is
8 years old now, almost 9, she is all grown up. Mother doted on
her "great" granddaughter. She got to see her stand alone, she got
to give her cookies and crackers when Mommy wasn't watching.

She got to see the brilliant smiles just for her. She felt the
little hands pulling at her robe as Taylor pulled herself up to
stand beside Mother's chair.

I was so happy that she got to be there when Taylor was born.
That was not an easy trip for her but we made it. When we went to
see my daughter she would have the back seat to herself. She
couldn't move her legs around a lot because of the arthritis. One
leg was deformed and the other getting that way. We loaded in the
car when we got the call and away we went. It had finally came to
where the trip was too hard on Mother. My daughter made it a point
to get here as much as possible. I am so glad she did, she saw to
it that Mother saw her great grandbaby as much as she could. I know
in my heart that Mother can see Taylor now growing up to be such a
pretty little lady. I just wish that I could see Mother. Still yet
I want to call her at the house and tell her something. It is the
hardest thing for me to remember that she isn't here. There are so
many things that were said and done over the years and though I
remember it all I forget when I sit down to tell about it.

I can remember her hands bleeding from hanging out laundry on
winter days. How she could tell the clothes were dry and not
just frozen I will never know, but she knew.

I remember people slowing down on a main highway
to look at her flowers.

I remember watching her crocus come up through the snow.
I remember her ironing, pressing my father's work
clothes, even his handkerchieves were pressed.

I remember her telling me stories of when she was a young girl
and crying because it hurt me that she had nothing as a child.

I remember getting ready for Christmas, she would cook and
bake for days before any holiday, Christmas was the biggest.
Her specialty was German Chocolate cake baked from scratch.

I remember decorating for Christmas, she loved the lights,
we would go out and look at lights and for a couple of years
she kept seeing a beautiful star. She looked all over town
trying to find that star. Come to find out my father had made
it for all those people and didn't tell her.
Needless to say we had one that year.

I remember cars slowing down to look at the
decorations around our house.

So many memories stored in my mind over a lifetime.

I remember everything Mommy, I will not forget and
I will tell it and retell it until my children remember
it all as if they were there. Goodnight mommy, I love you.