"The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just
called and said to eat without him and I fell off my diet.
Lay it on me again, will you?"
Okay.... One of these days you'll shout: "Why don't you kids
grow up and act your age!" And they will.
Or..."You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do,
and don't slam the door!" And they won't.
You'll straighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy...bumper
stickers discarded...spread tucked and smooth...toys displayed
on the shelves. Hangers in the closets. Animals caged. And you'll
say out loud: "NOW I want it to stay this way." And it will.
You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't
been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the
icing and you';; say: "Now, there's a meal for company."
And you'll eat it alone.
You'll say; "I want complete privacy on the phone. No
dancing around. No pantomimes. No demolition crews.
Silence! Do you hear?" And you'll have it.
No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti.
No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms.
No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps.
No more clothespins under the sofa.
No more playpens to arrange a room around.
No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent.
No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathrooms.
No more iron-on patches; wet knotted shoe strings; tight boots,
or rubber bands for pony tails. Imagine...A lipstick with a point on it.
No baby sitter for New Year's Eve. Washing only once a week.
Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned
without a baby on your lap. No PTA meetings. No car pools.
No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night.
Having your own roll of tape.
Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of
toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses.
No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark.
No knees to heal, no responsibility.
Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up,"
and the silence echoing, "I did."